


The Scariest Change

by bluehappyking



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Reconciliation, argument, fitzsimmons fix yourselves, love in the time of hydra
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-25
Updated: 2015-03-25
Packaged: 2018-03-19 13:51:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3612345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluehappyking/pseuds/bluehappyking
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>THIS is what should've happened after 2x14 with Fitzsimmons. The reconciliation we've all be waiting for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Scariest Change

“You know what the scariest change is, Jemma?” Fitz said and looked her straight in the eye without fumbling his words. “It’s you.”

Simmons’ face fell at his words and Fitz walked away, behind her as tears filled her eyes. He couldn’t even bear to look at her. Her best friend - the one who had been with her all this time, couldn’t even be around her. But to accuse her of something he knew nothing about? She couldn’t let this lie and she turned around and walked out of the lab, behind him, seeing Fitz walking along the corridor. 

“How dare you!” she called out and he turned around. She walked closer towards him. “How dare you say that about me!”

“Truth hurts, does it?” Fitz folded his arms. “You can’t handle the fact that someone is calling upon this...irrational behavior that you have. 

“Irrational? It’s the only thing that is rational! You’re the one with your head away with the fairies.”

“Oh great, thank you for reminding me...”

“I don’t mean it like that, you...you have to stop twisting my words...I mean, I know, I used the wrong words back then but she is changed Fitz.” 

“And why is that such a problem? She’s not HYDRA, she’s on our side! Or at least she’ll still be on our side if we treat her better, but with people like you and Coulson treating her like an invalid, she’s not got anyone she can trust!”

“We’re just trying to help her...”

“Help her? Or eradicate her?”

“Fitz!” 

“No, I know how people on the index are treated and Skye is not like that. She’s part of our team and if you think that...that...because she’s got these powers now, that makes her out of control and needing to be contained then I stand by my words. You’re the one who’s the threat. Not her.”

“I don’t want to hurt her, I want to...I made her special gloves to help her contain her powers.”

“So she seems more normal?”

“So she doesn’t hurt herself again. She’s scared, she doesn’t know what she’s doing!”

“She’s a grown woman and she can make those choices for herself!”

“So, you think she wants this change? You think she wants to be volatile and hurting herself?” Simmons questioned him. “You’re the one who’s making her choices for her, giving her all these expectations she has to live up to!”

“I’m just showing her that change isn’t bad! It doesn’t have to limit your life if you learn to adapt to it, like I did. You’re putting her down, making her think that she’s something to be feared when actually, with the right help, she could use this to her advantage.”

“And causing earthquakes is an advantage, is it? How, explain to me how that could ever be good?” Simmons folded her arms too and Fitz lowered his, trying to think of a reply.

“What happened to the girl who used to used to love investigating new things? Saw the beauty in these unexplained notions? The girl who wanted to go see the world and took a step into the field completely...unprepared?” he asked her and Simmons looked away.

“I was forced to change who she was because she wouldn’t survive in this new world. There is no place for innocence or naivety when you’re dealing with things as massive as HYDRA or aliens or...”

“You were forced to change? You? No, no Jemma. I was the one who was forced to change. Skye was the one who was forced to change, not you. You had a choice and you chose to be someone completely different. We’re adapting to who we are, but you’ve just gone and become someone else and then have the cheek to try and fix us?”

“Well, you might of forgotten, but I haven’t. All those times you got angry at me in the lab and the times you thought I hadn’t seen you crying because you just wanted to be yourself again? You didn’t want to change! You couldn’t understand that!”

“Well, I accepted it and Skye will too.”

“How do you know that? Have you even asked her about it?” Simmons argued. “Or are you just relaying who you are onto her because you’re trying to justify what happened to you through her?”

“If I am, then I’m showing her that people who are different can still function and still be okay. She has no one now except us. We’re the people who she’s relying on and we’re tearing her down. I know exactly what it’s like to have people treat us like we’re unable to do any sort of good.”

“I never did that! I just wanted you to get better...”

“Well, I’m not better but I’m able to live with that. I’ve learnt how to cope with who the new me is and I’ve reacted to the change well. You on the other hand, haven’t, so maybe you should take a look at yourself before take this high ground.”

“How can you say that?! You don’t know what I had to do to work at HYDRA, who I had to become? Don’t you think I hated myself every day that I had to pretend?”

“But you’re not in HYDRA anymore, are you?!” Fitz told her. “Yet you seem to have brought back all their feelings with you. You’re no better than Ward.”

“Don’t you EVER compare me to him!” Simmons had tears running down her cheeks. “He caused so much destruction!”

“And you’re doing the same and you can’t even see it! At least, he knew what he was doing - you think you’re on the right side, but you’re not! You’re making yourself into someone...someone unrecognizable.”

“I’m being realistic! People can die because of what these aliens have done. Look at what happened to Tripp, and Mack and what it did to Coulson! No one else can get hurt because of this!” 

“Except the people who are affected, like Skye? You’re willing to let her go somewhere with these gloves and make her feel completely isolated? You think that leaving people on their own is a way to help them? You know what I did every day when you were gone? I pictured you here beside me, because I couldn’t believe that you would leave my side like that, but now, I know I shouldn’t have bothered.”

“I didn’t want to go! There was no other choice!”

“You could’ve stayed! You could’ve helped me through every day! You think you found it difficult being around me? Think how hard it was for me to have to...to live every single day knowing I’d never be who I used to be? And then to find out you’d left? You could’ve gone anywhere. To a different part of the base or to a different SHIELD unit, but to HYDRA?” Fitz stared her in the eye and Simmons sniffled back. She could see tears in his eyes too. “How do you think I felt knowing that you couldn’t bear to be around me so much that you left to work for people who would put you in danger every single day? Did I really mean that little to you?”

“Of course not!”

“It certainly sounds like it.”

“And...and how do you think I felt knowing that you were spending every day trying to raise yourself to be better for me? And that I was the one you thought you had to impress when me being there just making you worse? Because you thought you were no longer good enough, but I’m the one who isn’t good enough for you!”

“What are you talking about?” 

“You’re the one who...who wants to help Skye and you’re being her friend and I’m just the bad guy and...and I’m the one who can’t seem to do anything right and you’re the one who made me take the oxygen and I should’ve fought harder against you and let you swim up and I should’ve been the one who got the brain damage!”

“What?! No! Jemma I saved you because I care about you!”

“And I care about you! And if...maybe if I’d been the one who had been recovering then...then you would’ve been stronger than me and stuck by my side instead of going to HYDRA and trying to eliminate all these...alien threats and maybe we wouldn’t be arguing every time we’re together and maybe our relationship wouldn’t be so...so crumbled,” she started to sob. “Because I know I’m the one who’s ruined it! I know I’ve broken us and you don’t even want to be around me anymore because you think...I’m just trying to do what’s best but I don’t know what’s best! I’m so confused...”

Simmons said and turned around, walking away from Fitz.

“Jemma! Jemma...wait...” Fitz ran after her and stopped her, putting his hands on her shoulders as she looked down, tears spilling from her eyes. “I can see what this did to me, and I have never once regretted what I did for you. You can’t think like that.”

“I can...” she said. “Because if it wasn’t for my stupid lack of assertiveness, I would’ve forced you to find another way and I wouldn’t have let this happen to you. Don’t you think I’ve gone over and over in my head, every day that I was without you those few hours we were in the pod? Of all the things I could’ve done differently. Of all the ways we could’ve escaped that I didn’t think about? Of how poorly I reacted when you told me how I felt and I just...stood there with my mouth gaping open like some sort of bloody fish?”

“There was no other way.”

“There would’ve been, if we’d given it a chance,” she told Fitz. “And I will never forgive myself for not allowing myself to find it. I can’t...be that person anymore. That shy girl who accepts the rules and doesn’t voice her opinions. People will get hurt...I could’ve prevented that.”

“I didn’t let you, and I’m sorry but I needed to.” 

“Which is why I don’t deserve you,” Simmons said and looked away. “And that’s why I never told you how I felt down there and why I still haven’t told you how I felt. Because I don’t deserve you and I never will.”

Simmons pushed past Fitz again and no matter how many times he called her name, she wouldn’t turn around to face him.

“Jemma! I still love you!” he said and she stopped in her tracks. “And...and that hasn’t changed, no matter how much you’ve changed. Because, I know that deep down, you’re still the same person you used to be. Just like I am.” Fitz told her and Simmons didn’t turn around, even though he started walking towards her. “And it’s unfair of me to say how I can’t accept your new change and then expect you to accept mine and then for me to say that I love the person you used to be not the person you are now and then to...I understand, okay? It’s still change and that’s scary let alone with me trying to isolate you like this...”

“See! This is why you’re still the better person! I...I’ve said and done all these terrible things and yet you...you want to help me through it...” Simmons dried her eyes and turned to face him. “You have such a pure heart and mine is so blackened and shriveled from all of this...”

“It’s not,” Fitz told her and took her hands in his. “Your heart is still the same. I can...I mean, I guess everything you’ve done, you’ve done for a greater good. It’s your head that you’re leading with, isn’t it? Your head is making you think like a scientist, where sacrifices can be made, but your heart...” he held her hands tighter and she looked up into his blue eyes. “What’s your heart telling you?”

“It’s telling me everything I’ve feared. That I don’t know how to help the people I care about anymore...”

“Maybe, that’s because you’re the one who needs the help,” Fitz told her and Simmons inhaled a breath before starting to cry again. Fitz pulled her in for a hug and Simmons clung to him. “We’ll work through this.” 

“I’m so sorry...” she cried and Fitz held her tightly. 

“I know. I am too,” he said and she looked up at him through her blurry eyes. “Don’t think you’re not good enough because if you don’t then it eats away at you. I know, trust me. We’ll work through this in the best way for Skye and for us too. We might not be able to be as close as we used to be before, but we can try to repair our friendship and make a new one.”

“I’d...I’d like that,” Simmons said and dried her eyes, moving away from Fitz.

“I’ll make you some tea,” Fitz told her and walked towards the kitchen and Simmons stood still and he turned back. “What’s wrong now?”

“I’m sorry I never told you before,” she said quietly to him.

“Told me what?” Fitz asked.

“How I feel,” she replied and walked closer to him.

“Do you think you ever will tell me?” Fitz asked her and Simmons shrugged.

“About how much I love you and how I missed you every day that I wasn’t with you and how it’s been killing me to know how much I’ve been hurting you?” she responded. “I can tell you but it’s only when I’m convinced that I can give you the love that you deserve, then I’ll let you accept it.”

Fitz smiled slightly and linked his fingers with hers again, brushing his thumb against her hand.

“I think I should be the one to choose whether to accept it or not,” he replied and she looked up at him with a small smile as they walked together towards the kitchen - ready to start anew.


End file.
